Five Rules For Life is entering the tenth month of operation, and participation and readership continue to increase. A few months ago the site reached a new milestone - the 100th submission posted! And I continue to receive and add new submissions weekly.
Many thanks to all the supporters who have helped promote the site - I appreciate the links and positive feedback. And many more thanks to those who have submitted their "Five Rules" - it is continued participation from the readers that will keep the site fresh and interesting.
Remember...if you get value from reading other people's rules, submit your own and return the favor!
Thanks again, and I hope you will continue to read and spread the word.
> tell a friend
> post a link
> send a "tweet"
Regards,
Jon
PS - the best way to be notified of new submissions is to subscribe to the site; do so via RSS reader or email. And add me on Facebook.
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Featured Five Rules of The Week - November 16, 2009
The Featured "Five Rules" of the Week is selected by the editor, possibly with input from random strangers. The criteria is simple - I [we] liked it.
The featured contributor for the week of November 16th, 2009 is Jason Barr:
jason d. barr writes "start being your best", a blog about creative personal development. he has a wife and son, and enjoys road biking, baseball, reading, and hiking, as well as writing and playing video games. you can see more posts from Jason twice weekly by grabbing a subscription to his blog here or by finding him on twitter here.
Here are Jason's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) There's more to this life than just trying to make it through the day.
So many times, I find myself eyeing the clock, or checking things off on my list. I'll get so action-oriented that I lose my focus on what really matters - relationships with other people. I believe that God has put me here on this earth for one purpose only, and that's to love other people. When I lose my focus on others, and instead look toward myself, I become bitter, terse, and generally not fun to be around.
2.) Find something that makes you happy, and do it often.
For me, this has become writing. I enjoy sitting down at the keyboard and letting thoughts rush out of my fingers. It's a release, you know? It feels like I've got all this stuff pent up inside of me, but I can't identify what it is until I let it out. It's cathartic. Find something that makes you feel the same way, and do it often. Don't do it for other people, though. If other people like it, great. But your main audience is you. If you're proud of it, then it's all good.
3.) Find something that makes someone else happy and do that often, too.
Serve. Try to make it something you enjoy as well ('cause you'll stick with it a lot easier), but give of yourself. Each and every one of us is good at something, or has something that someone else isn't or doesn't. Look for ways you can share the gifts you've been given with other people. If you can do this without identifying yourself, that's even better. Anonymous action, with no possibility for acknowledgment by anyone else, is a great way to make sure your motives are pure.
4.) Believe in something.
I'm a Christian, but I know that other people aren't. I respect any person who admits they don't have it all together, and that there are questions out there that can't be answered easily. Have a system of belief in something or someone greater than yourself. If it's Jesus Christ, awesome. If you find comfort in another system of beliefs, or in science, or whatever - that's your call. Just don't float through life without asking big questions, and looking for big answers.
5.) Quit lying to yourself.
Finally, if I had to boil all my five rules down to one, it would be this:
Quit lying to yourself.
Quit telling yourself that you're happy in a situation that you're not, and start working on making it better. Quit telling yourself that you have all the answers, when you haven't even asked any questions. Quit telling yourself that you can't do something awesome because there's nothing inside of you wanting to get out. Quit trying to be something you're not because you think it's more socially acceptable or you'll have a better "personal brand". You'll never be able to keep up the charade long enough to fool everyone, and you'll make yourself miserable trying. Self-deception is easy, because it allows us not to change. Be uncomfortable, stretch for something, take a risk. Just quit sitting on the sidelines.
Jason currently resides in Boise, Idaho.
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Check back next week for a new Featured "Five Rules" of the Week.
And check out the new compilation post - "Five Rules For Life" - editor's choice.
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The featured contributor for the week of November 16th, 2009 is Jason Barr:
jason d. barr writes "start being your best", a blog about creative personal development. he has a wife and son, and enjoys road biking, baseball, reading, and hiking, as well as writing and playing video games. you can see more posts from Jason twice weekly by grabbing a subscription to his blog here or by finding him on twitter here.
Here are Jason's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) There's more to this life than just trying to make it through the day.
So many times, I find myself eyeing the clock, or checking things off on my list. I'll get so action-oriented that I lose my focus on what really matters - relationships with other people. I believe that God has put me here on this earth for one purpose only, and that's to love other people. When I lose my focus on others, and instead look toward myself, I become bitter, terse, and generally not fun to be around.
2.) Find something that makes you happy, and do it often.
For me, this has become writing. I enjoy sitting down at the keyboard and letting thoughts rush out of my fingers. It's a release, you know? It feels like I've got all this stuff pent up inside of me, but I can't identify what it is until I let it out. It's cathartic. Find something that makes you feel the same way, and do it often. Don't do it for other people, though. If other people like it, great. But your main audience is you. If you're proud of it, then it's all good.
3.) Find something that makes someone else happy and do that often, too.
Serve. Try to make it something you enjoy as well ('cause you'll stick with it a lot easier), but give of yourself. Each and every one of us is good at something, or has something that someone else isn't or doesn't. Look for ways you can share the gifts you've been given with other people. If you can do this without identifying yourself, that's even better. Anonymous action, with no possibility for acknowledgment by anyone else, is a great way to make sure your motives are pure.
4.) Believe in something.
I'm a Christian, but I know that other people aren't. I respect any person who admits they don't have it all together, and that there are questions out there that can't be answered easily. Have a system of belief in something or someone greater than yourself. If it's Jesus Christ, awesome. If you find comfort in another system of beliefs, or in science, or whatever - that's your call. Just don't float through life without asking big questions, and looking for big answers.
5.) Quit lying to yourself.
Finally, if I had to boil all my five rules down to one, it would be this:
Quit lying to yourself.
Quit telling yourself that you're happy in a situation that you're not, and start working on making it better. Quit telling yourself that you have all the answers, when you haven't even asked any questions. Quit telling yourself that you can't do something awesome because there's nothing inside of you wanting to get out. Quit trying to be something you're not because you think it's more socially acceptable or you'll have a better "personal brand". You'll never be able to keep up the charade long enough to fool everyone, and you'll make yourself miserable trying. Self-deception is easy, because it allows us not to change. Be uncomfortable, stretch for something, take a risk. Just quit sitting on the sidelines.
Jason currently resides in Boise, Idaho.
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Check back next week for a new Featured "Five Rules" of the Week.
And check out the new compilation post - "Five Rules For Life" - editor's choice.
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Submitted by Lori Deschene
lori deschene runs seeinggood.com, a blog about realistic positive thinking; she also contributes to the site tinybuddha.com. she’s currently one of the finalists in the sam-e.com "good mood bloggger" contest. you can help her win her dream blogging job by voting for her here.
...editor's note - Lori included the following with her submission:
"When I first sat down to write this piece, I wrote "Live without rules" five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible. The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?
That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.
Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”
The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”
Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.
With that, here are five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful."
Here are Lori's "Five Rules Guidelines For Life":
1.) Be honest with yourself.
One of the most valuable skills you’ll learn in life is the ability to call yourself out when you’re playing it safe because you’re scared to fail, or maybe even scared to succeed; or you’re closing off your heart because you’re afraid of being hurt. In the moment it feels comforting. You can do what you always did, and not push yourself into unfamiliar territory. But we tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did. Don’t lie to yourself about your instincts or motivations. It may feel safe in the moment, but it will one day grow into regret about who you could have become.
2.) Let yourself be vulnerable.
I once felt there was nothing more terrifying than letting go of control. I held a tight grip on who I really was because I wanted to shape other people’s perceptions of me. I had a very limited list of approved adjectives: smart, kind, talented, successful, awesome. I don’t love knowing someone may form a different opinion of me. But it’s liberating to honor where I’m at in any moment, and let people decide for themselves what they think about that. When you’re willing to be seen as someone who makes mistakes and has flaws, you’re essentially telling yourself being human isn’t something to be ashamed of. People may sometimes form judgments. But they’ll respect your authenticity, and they may learn to let go a little themselves—something that can be a tremendous relief.
3.) Live in accordance with your values.
Everyone has a different idea of what’s important, and what it means to be a good person. If you try to align your life with someone else’s values, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled. If your main source of joy is spending time with your family, would it really make sense to take on a high-paying job that limits the time you can spend with them? Make a list of the cornerstones of your happiness, and then take an honest inventory of your current situation. Does it parallel the priorities you listed?
4.) See as much as you can of what’s right in front of you.
People often live life caught in two mental strongholds: regret for the past, and worry for the future. In looking back on the years I’ve lived so far, I know I’ve spent more time engaging in those activities than truly being present. Whenever I catch myself, I check in with my five senses and experience what’s in front of me as fully as I possibly can. I notice the details. Hear the sounds. And seep into the moment. I know I won’t do this all the time, but it adds up to create more time truly living in the now.
5.) Treat yourself like you want other people to treat you.
It happens all the time. You don’t get a job, you start reviewing all your failures. You hurt a friend, you start beating yourself up. We make mistakes, and we always will. As long as you acknowledge them, make amends as best you can, and learn from them there’s no reason to stop treating yourself with kindness. Other people will take their cue from you. You decide how you deserve to be treated.
Lori currently resides in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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...editor's note - Lori included the following with her submission:
"When I first sat down to write this piece, I wrote "Live without rules" five times, each followed by a reason to keep your approach to life flexible. The way you live is largely a reflection of where you’ve been, who you’ve been, and the beliefs you’ve formed. Who am I to create a cookie-cutter hard-and-fast code that makes sense for everyone?
That’s when I realized I’d need to make a sixth rule to introduce these ideas: judge my words, and anyone else’s against your own reason and moral code.
Buddha said, “Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and common sense.”
The Dalai Lama echoed that sentiment with, “The ultimate authority must always rest with the individual’s own reason and critical analysis.”
Be critical. I invite it. These ideas help me, and they may or may not help you.
With that, here are five guidelines that have helped me feel happy, fulfilled, and meaningful."
Here are Lori's "Five Rules Guidelines For Life":
1.) Be honest with yourself.
One of the most valuable skills you’ll learn in life is the ability to call yourself out when you’re playing it safe because you’re scared to fail, or maybe even scared to succeed; or you’re closing off your heart because you’re afraid of being hurt. In the moment it feels comforting. You can do what you always did, and not push yourself into unfamiliar territory. But we tend to regret the things we didn’t do more than the things we did. Don’t lie to yourself about your instincts or motivations. It may feel safe in the moment, but it will one day grow into regret about who you could have become.
2.) Let yourself be vulnerable.
I once felt there was nothing more terrifying than letting go of control. I held a tight grip on who I really was because I wanted to shape other people’s perceptions of me. I had a very limited list of approved adjectives: smart, kind, talented, successful, awesome. I don’t love knowing someone may form a different opinion of me. But it’s liberating to honor where I’m at in any moment, and let people decide for themselves what they think about that. When you’re willing to be seen as someone who makes mistakes and has flaws, you’re essentially telling yourself being human isn’t something to be ashamed of. People may sometimes form judgments. But they’ll respect your authenticity, and they may learn to let go a little themselves—something that can be a tremendous relief.
3.) Live in accordance with your values.
Everyone has a different idea of what’s important, and what it means to be a good person. If you try to align your life with someone else’s values, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled. If your main source of joy is spending time with your family, would it really make sense to take on a high-paying job that limits the time you can spend with them? Make a list of the cornerstones of your happiness, and then take an honest inventory of your current situation. Does it parallel the priorities you listed?
4.) See as much as you can of what’s right in front of you.
People often live life caught in two mental strongholds: regret for the past, and worry for the future. In looking back on the years I’ve lived so far, I know I’ve spent more time engaging in those activities than truly being present. Whenever I catch myself, I check in with my five senses and experience what’s in front of me as fully as I possibly can. I notice the details. Hear the sounds. And seep into the moment. I know I won’t do this all the time, but it adds up to create more time truly living in the now.
5.) Treat yourself like you want other people to treat you.
It happens all the time. You don’t get a job, you start reviewing all your failures. You hurt a friend, you start beating yourself up. We make mistakes, and we always will. As long as you acknowledge them, make amends as best you can, and learn from them there’s no reason to stop treating yourself with kindness. Other people will take their cue from you. You decide how you deserve to be treated.
Lori currently resides in the San Francisco Bay Area.
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Submitted by Anna DiTommaso
anna ditommaso is a 20-year old college student majoring in graphic design. in her spare time she enjoys playing guitar, watching baseball, and reading.
Here are Anna's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Treat people right.
Listen, care, use your manners, and don’t objectify people. Remember:
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." - Samuel Johnson
2.) Work on yourself daily.
Be who you want you to be. When you learn to love yourself, it will be impossible for others not to.
3.) Protect your name.
It is your brand and identity - don’t let it be associated with anything you won’t be proud of.
4.) Be where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there.
With your loved ones or friends who need you - you will know. Just show up. Don’t make them ask.
5.) Have something to do that takes you out of yourself.
Have at least one hobby or passion. Be a part of something that could exist entirely without you.
Anna currently resides in Texas.
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Here are Anna's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Treat people right.
Listen, care, use your manners, and don’t objectify people. Remember:
"The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good." - Samuel Johnson
2.) Work on yourself daily.
Be who you want you to be. When you learn to love yourself, it will be impossible for others not to.
3.) Protect your name.
It is your brand and identity - don’t let it be associated with anything you won’t be proud of.
4.) Be where you are supposed to be, when you are supposed to be there.
With your loved ones or friends who need you - you will know. Just show up. Don’t make them ask.
5.) Have something to do that takes you out of yourself.
Have at least one hobby or passion. Be a part of something that could exist entirely without you.
Anna currently resides in Texas.
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Submitted by Nicole Chiarenza
nicole chiarenza is an unemployed adolescent English teacher. she volunteers with a youth group in her area and directs a "counselor in training" program during the summer at her local ymca. her rules come from the core values of the ymca, and she truly believes in what she teaches.
Here are Nicole's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Care.
When one cares for another - whether it be another person or one's environment - it always brings positivity to the world. Volunteering or helping a friend are all caring acts. Anything that makes another's heart bigger also makes yours bigger.
2.) Tell the truth.
Being honest is always the right way to be. When one is honest with others, he or she is also honest with him or herself. I've heard it said, "if you are always honest, you never have to remember anything."
3.) Be respectful.
When you respect yourself, your environment, and others you are also respected. I have found that when you listen to others and are respectful to them, they in turn will respect you. Be a respectable human being. Make others want to be around you.
4.) Be responsible.
You are responsible for you. When I was little and sad about a fight I had with my sister, my Mom always told me that I am only in charge of MY actions and MY thoughts. Experiences are only experiences when you allow yourself to learn from them...but you are responsible for your own learning.
5.) Be kind to your environment.
Be kind not only to the trees and the grass but be kind to everything around you. Be kind to your home and clean up after yourself. Be kind to the friends that are around you and be kind to your family.
Nicole currently resides on Long Island, New York.
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Here are Nicole's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Care.
When one cares for another - whether it be another person or one's environment - it always brings positivity to the world. Volunteering or helping a friend are all caring acts. Anything that makes another's heart bigger also makes yours bigger.
2.) Tell the truth.
Being honest is always the right way to be. When one is honest with others, he or she is also honest with him or herself. I've heard it said, "if you are always honest, you never have to remember anything."
3.) Be respectful.
When you respect yourself, your environment, and others you are also respected. I have found that when you listen to others and are respectful to them, they in turn will respect you. Be a respectable human being. Make others want to be around you.
4.) Be responsible.
You are responsible for you. When I was little and sad about a fight I had with my sister, my Mom always told me that I am only in charge of MY actions and MY thoughts. Experiences are only experiences when you allow yourself to learn from them...but you are responsible for your own learning.
5.) Be kind to your environment.
Be kind not only to the trees and the grass but be kind to everything around you. Be kind to your home and clean up after yourself. Be kind to the friends that are around you and be kind to your family.
Nicole currently resides on Long Island, New York.
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Submitted by Mark Childs
"Jon,
You probably won't publish my rules, as I have not included the supporting details that most people do. But I wanted to let you know that your website has had a positive impact on me. When I found it in January, I typed out my five rules and have carried them around on a sheet of paper since. I refer to them often, especially when I am having a hard and stressful day. As you can see by the attached photo, they are well worn so it is probably time to print a new copy! Thanks for a great idea that makes a difference. I really enjoy reading everyone else's rules as well.
Cheers and continued success,
Mark"
...editor's note - Mark, many thanks for the positive feedback. And I am including your rules below!
Here are Mark's "Five Rules For Life":
______________________________
You probably won't publish my rules, as I have not included the supporting details that most people do. But I wanted to let you know that your website has had a positive impact on me. When I found it in January, I typed out my five rules and have carried them around on a sheet of paper since. I refer to them often, especially when I am having a hard and stressful day. As you can see by the attached photo, they are well worn so it is probably time to print a new copy! Thanks for a great idea that makes a difference. I really enjoy reading everyone else's rules as well.
Cheers and continued success,
Mark"
...editor's note - Mark, many thanks for the positive feedback. And I am including your rules below!
Here are Mark's "Five Rules For Life":
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Submitted by Cora Harrington
cora harrington works with homeless families at a local non-profit agency. she states that "four of the five [rules] are from friends and family, but they're things i live by and remember every single day."
Here are Cora's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) "You are responsible for your own happiness."
My friend Karen R. told me this when we went camping one weekend right after an "ex" dumped me. I'd just dropped out of grad school as well and was feeling like a Grade A-failure. Karen reminded me that happiness is a choice, and I'm the only person who can make myself happy.
2.) "Nobody has to live in your skin but you."
This one comes from my Dad, and he tells it to me all the time when I'm wavering on my principles or beliefs. My Dad never tells me what to think, he just reminds me that no matter what decisions I make, I'm the only person who has to deal the consequences - positive or negative.
3.) "Security is an illusion."
The artist and writer David Mack coined this one, and especially in this economy it's a quote I live by. So many people plan around having a secure future rather than a happy one that, when the rug is pulled out from under them,they have nothing left. This quote tells me to plan for happiness first, and if security follows it's an added bonus.
4.) "The two most important things in life are to be happy and to make other people happy."
This is another quote from my Dad who always told my Mom and I that the reason he works is so his family can be happy. My Dad taught me, by word and example, that making us happy makes him happy - and that's the kind of mindset I want to have in my relationships.
5.) "Everyday is a gift. Unwrap carefully."
The only quote on the list from me. I got a new appreciation for the preciousness of life after I came close to dying a couple of years ago. I don't take any day for granted and I try to live in such a way that I'll have no regrets.
Cora currently resides in Seattle, Washington.
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Here are Cora's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) "You are responsible for your own happiness."
My friend Karen R. told me this when we went camping one weekend right after an "ex" dumped me. I'd just dropped out of grad school as well and was feeling like a Grade A-failure. Karen reminded me that happiness is a choice, and I'm the only person who can make myself happy.
2.) "Nobody has to live in your skin but you."
This one comes from my Dad, and he tells it to me all the time when I'm wavering on my principles or beliefs. My Dad never tells me what to think, he just reminds me that no matter what decisions I make, I'm the only person who has to deal the consequences - positive or negative.
3.) "Security is an illusion."
The artist and writer David Mack coined this one, and especially in this economy it's a quote I live by. So many people plan around having a secure future rather than a happy one that, when the rug is pulled out from under them,they have nothing left. This quote tells me to plan for happiness first, and if security follows it's an added bonus.
4.) "The two most important things in life are to be happy and to make other people happy."
This is another quote from my Dad who always told my Mom and I that the reason he works is so his family can be happy. My Dad taught me, by word and example, that making us happy makes him happy - and that's the kind of mindset I want to have in my relationships.
5.) "Everyday is a gift. Unwrap carefully."
The only quote on the list from me. I got a new appreciation for the preciousness of life after I came close to dying a couple of years ago. I don't take any day for granted and I try to live in such a way that I'll have no regrets.
Cora currently resides in Seattle, Washington.
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Submitted by Marelisa Fábrega
marelisa fábrega blogs about creativity, productivity, and simplifying your life. She is the author of "How to Be More Creative - A Handbook for Alchemists".
she writes - "I chose five guiding principles for my life and then selected quotes which I feel reflect these principles for inclusion in your list of five rules for life."
Here are Marelisa's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be yourself, live life your own way, and follow your authentic desires.
"When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle."
- Andrew Cohen
2.) Cultivate inner peace.
"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe."
- Marcus Aurelius
3.) Live in a constant state of gratitude for everything that has been given to you.
"There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance."
- Joseph Addison
4.) Celebrate life every day in some way. Make happiness and play a priority.
"A philosophy of life: I’m an adventurer, looking for treasure."
– Paolo Coehlo
5.) Be responsible for the talent that has been entrusted you. Be of service and create value for others.
"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God."
- Leo Buscaglia
Marelisa currently resides in the Republic of Panama.
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she writes - "I chose five guiding principles for my life and then selected quotes which I feel reflect these principles for inclusion in your list of five rules for life."
Here are Marelisa's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be yourself, live life your own way, and follow your authentic desires.
"When your authentic self miraculously awakens and becomes stronger than your ego, then you will truly begin to make a difference in this world. You will literally enter into a partnership with the creative principle."
- Andrew Cohen
2.) Cultivate inner peace.
"He who lives in harmony with himself lives in harmony with the universe."
- Marcus Aurelius
3.) Live in a constant state of gratitude for everything that has been given to you.
"There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude. It is accompanied with such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance."
- Joseph Addison
4.) Celebrate life every day in some way. Make happiness and play a priority.
"A philosophy of life: I’m an adventurer, looking for treasure."
– Paolo Coehlo
5.) Be responsible for the talent that has been entrusted you. Be of service and create value for others.
"Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God."
- Leo Buscaglia
Marelisa currently resides in the Republic of Panama.
______________________________
Submitted by Barney Matthews
barney is the head penguin keeper at tuxs.org, the chief snow tester at sk1.us, and believes that a chocolate chip cookie can make most things better.
he writes - "I would like to offer my submission to "Five Rules For Life"; I love reading your site and felt inspired to share my own rules. I'm afraid I am short changing you slightly with only three rules."
...editor's note - I enjoyed your three rules, so we will bend the rules!
Here are Barney's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) I can do anything.
In the words of Henry Ford - "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you cannot - you are right."
I believe that I can do anything. If you think you can't do something you will give up at the first hurdle because it validates what you thought. If you believe you can do something you will keep trying until you succeed.
2. See good.
"You see what you want to see".
I believe there is good in every person and every situation. When dealing with people, choose to see their good side. Every person has their little imperfections (including yourself), but if you dwell on them it just builds resentment. Instead focus on their positive attributes. Assume good intentions. If you think someone is being deliberately mean, consider another explanation - maybe they found out their granny was gravely ill, maybe you are being overly sensitive today yourself, or maybe they just didn't mean it the way it seems. Make a point to compliment people often. If you can't compliment just keep quiet. If a situation doesn't turn out the way you wanted, look for a way to turn it in to something good. Learn a lesson from it, find the unexpected opportunity, or be grateful that it wasn't worse.
3. Be kind.
As Google says - "Don't be evil."
Help others. It will make you feel good, the other person will appreciate it, and one day you may need help yourself. Don't hinder other people. Give credit where credit is due, take responsibility for your own actions, and keep your promises. Lastly share "I cans" with other people - make them feel like they can do anything too.
Barney currently resides in Vermont.
he writes - "I would like to offer my submission to "Five Rules For Life"; I love reading your site and felt inspired to share my own rules. I'm afraid I am short changing you slightly with only three rules."
...editor's note - I enjoyed your three rules, so we will bend the rules!
Here are Barney's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) I can do anything.
In the words of Henry Ford - "Whether you think you can, or whether you think you cannot - you are right."
I believe that I can do anything. If you think you can't do something you will give up at the first hurdle because it validates what you thought. If you believe you can do something you will keep trying until you succeed.
2. See good.
"You see what you want to see".
I believe there is good in every person and every situation. When dealing with people, choose to see their good side. Every person has their little imperfections (including yourself), but if you dwell on them it just builds resentment. Instead focus on their positive attributes. Assume good intentions. If you think someone is being deliberately mean, consider another explanation - maybe they found out their granny was gravely ill, maybe you are being overly sensitive today yourself, or maybe they just didn't mean it the way it seems. Make a point to compliment people often. If you can't compliment just keep quiet. If a situation doesn't turn out the way you wanted, look for a way to turn it in to something good. Learn a lesson from it, find the unexpected opportunity, or be grateful that it wasn't worse.
3. Be kind.
As Google says - "Don't be evil."
Help others. It will make you feel good, the other person will appreciate it, and one day you may need help yourself. Don't hinder other people. Give credit where credit is due, take responsibility for your own actions, and keep your promises. Lastly share "I cans" with other people - make them feel like they can do anything too.
Barney currently resides in Vermont.
Submitted by Cath Duncan
through her bottom-line bookclub, "resource miner," cath duncan offers accelerated learning programs for professionals who want to develop the "agile living strategies" for thriving in these turbulent times. you can follow cath’s blog and find her on twitter.
Here are Cath's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Focus on who you want to BE, rather than what you want to have and do.
Much of our time is spent on trying to HAVE and DO more, and we tend to forget about the most important goal - who we’re BEING. Living a fulfilling life is about being who you want to be, not what you’re doing or having. Take some time to decide what adjectives you’d like people to use when they describe you, what essence or spirit you’d like to exude in everything you do, and how you’d like to be feeling. Focus on that and you’ll always know how to handle the doing and having in a way that feels good.
2.) Love your fear.
Most people think fear is a bad thing - especially in the world of personal development where people will often tell you to ignore or fight your fear. Your fear is on your side, trying to do a bunch of good stuff for you. It lets you know when there’s a threat, it shows you know what’s important to you, it points you to the gaps in your plans that still need to be filled, and it’s a confirmation that you’re growing. Fear is perfectly safe and healthy. So befriend your fear, have regular conversations with it, and start working with your fear to create the life you want.
3.) Focus on results, rather than rules.
You know all those rules you’ve been told you should follow in order to be successful and happy - they're all made up. Sure, some of them will get you great results, but some will get you lousy results and you’ll get sucked into a template life that’s confining and soul-destroying. So focus on results, rather than rules. When you find yourself thinking, "I have to do..." or "I should...", stop and ask yourself what results you want and what results following those rules would get you, and remind yourself that you can always change the rules or make up new ones that’ll get you the results you want.
4.) Always prioritise action and real-world feedback over perfect plans on paper.
We’ve all been taught to plan and prepare and analyze, and to only step forward with action once we’re certain we can do that thing perfectly. We’ve been punished for being spontaneous and there are back-row critics surrounding us on all sides, waiting to pounce as soon as we make a mistake. But there are things we can learn in the real world that we can never learn in the world of imagination and analysis. And you’ll learn faster, be more relevant, and create better results when you step into learning in the real world. So, rather than trying to figure it all out on paper and in your head before you take any action, prioritise taking action in the real world - where you can get real-world feedback and learn, tweak, and adjust your strategy until you’re where you want to be.
5.) Change your mind on a regular basis.
Most of us have been brought up to believe that changing your mind is a fickle thing, but that’s often just other people’s way of trying to maintain the status quo so that they aren’t placed in the sort of position where they might have to grow and change too. The only way you’ll ever change your results is if you change your thinking. So be willing to challenge your own thoughts, stories, and rules to unearth and dissolve your assumptions.
Cath currently resides in London, United Kingdom.
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Here are Cath's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Focus on who you want to BE, rather than what you want to have and do.
Much of our time is spent on trying to HAVE and DO more, and we tend to forget about the most important goal - who we’re BEING. Living a fulfilling life is about being who you want to be, not what you’re doing or having. Take some time to decide what adjectives you’d like people to use when they describe you, what essence or spirit you’d like to exude in everything you do, and how you’d like to be feeling. Focus on that and you’ll always know how to handle the doing and having in a way that feels good.
2.) Love your fear.
Most people think fear is a bad thing - especially in the world of personal development where people will often tell you to ignore or fight your fear. Your fear is on your side, trying to do a bunch of good stuff for you. It lets you know when there’s a threat, it shows you know what’s important to you, it points you to the gaps in your plans that still need to be filled, and it’s a confirmation that you’re growing. Fear is perfectly safe and healthy. So befriend your fear, have regular conversations with it, and start working with your fear to create the life you want.
3.) Focus on results, rather than rules.
You know all those rules you’ve been told you should follow in order to be successful and happy - they're all made up. Sure, some of them will get you great results, but some will get you lousy results and you’ll get sucked into a template life that’s confining and soul-destroying. So focus on results, rather than rules. When you find yourself thinking, "I have to do..." or "I should...", stop and ask yourself what results you want and what results following those rules would get you, and remind yourself that you can always change the rules or make up new ones that’ll get you the results you want.
4.) Always prioritise action and real-world feedback over perfect plans on paper.
We’ve all been taught to plan and prepare and analyze, and to only step forward with action once we’re certain we can do that thing perfectly. We’ve been punished for being spontaneous and there are back-row critics surrounding us on all sides, waiting to pounce as soon as we make a mistake. But there are things we can learn in the real world that we can never learn in the world of imagination and analysis. And you’ll learn faster, be more relevant, and create better results when you step into learning in the real world. So, rather than trying to figure it all out on paper and in your head before you take any action, prioritise taking action in the real world - where you can get real-world feedback and learn, tweak, and adjust your strategy until you’re where you want to be.
5.) Change your mind on a regular basis.
Most of us have been brought up to believe that changing your mind is a fickle thing, but that’s often just other people’s way of trying to maintain the status quo so that they aren’t placed in the sort of position where they might have to grow and change too. The only way you’ll ever change your results is if you change your thinking. So be willing to challenge your own thoughts, stories, and rules to unearth and dissolve your assumptions.
Cath currently resides in London, United Kingdom.
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Submitted by Tara Waechter
tara waechter owns planning-fun-road-trips.com, a website that covers every aspect of road-trip planning including mapping tips, packing lists, road trip games and songs, trip ideas, recipes, tools, and in-depth articles. she is also an office manager, wife (of husband ash), and meeting and event planner.
Here are Tara's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Set goals that are challenging, inspire you, and are achievable - and write them down!
Goals that are too easy or boring will never motivate you enough - but make sure you can actually achieve them, as setting yourself up for failure will also destroy your motivation. Look for those "baby bear" goals that are just right. Writing them down is also a must-do. Studies have proven that goals that are written down are 90-95% more likely to be achieved. I’ve had enormous success with achieving my goals using this method.
2.) Nurture your relationships.
Many people allow their goals and work to take over their entire lives, only to find themselves alone and lonely. Nurture your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners regularly with emails, phone calls, and visits. Tending your relationships is like tending a garden – you need to water and feed your garden regularly, or it will die from neglect.
3.) Never give up on your dreams.
Only you call yourself out of the game. You’ve only failed if you’ve accepted failure. Otherwise, you’ve just found things that don’t work – keep on trying and learning from your mistakes and you’ll eventually succeed.
4.) Happiness is a choice.
You are entirely in control of your moods. You may want to blame your bad mood on circumstances, weather, or rolling off the wrong side of the bed - but really, you’re in charge. Choose to be happy – make it a priority – and you’ll be on the right track. How to make yourself happy? Focus on what you love about your life right now. What do you really appreciate or feel grateful for? No matter how tough things are, there’s always, and I mean always, something good to be grateful for. Now keep adding to that list and include everything from the big items to the very small and simple pleasures of life.
5.) Be here now.
Goals are essential, but never let the future or the past obliterate the present. It is the only thing you truly have - now. There are no guarantees of the future. The past is over. What you have is today. Make it a habit to revel in the moment at least once or twice every day. Carpe diem!
Tara currently resides in Cary, North Carolina.
______________________________
Here are Tara's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Set goals that are challenging, inspire you, and are achievable - and write them down!
Goals that are too easy or boring will never motivate you enough - but make sure you can actually achieve them, as setting yourself up for failure will also destroy your motivation. Look for those "baby bear" goals that are just right. Writing them down is also a must-do. Studies have proven that goals that are written down are 90-95% more likely to be achieved. I’ve had enormous success with achieving my goals using this method.
2.) Nurture your relationships.
Many people allow their goals and work to take over their entire lives, only to find themselves alone and lonely. Nurture your relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners regularly with emails, phone calls, and visits. Tending your relationships is like tending a garden – you need to water and feed your garden regularly, or it will die from neglect.
3.) Never give up on your dreams.
Only you call yourself out of the game. You’ve only failed if you’ve accepted failure. Otherwise, you’ve just found things that don’t work – keep on trying and learning from your mistakes and you’ll eventually succeed.
4.) Happiness is a choice.
You are entirely in control of your moods. You may want to blame your bad mood on circumstances, weather, or rolling off the wrong side of the bed - but really, you’re in charge. Choose to be happy – make it a priority – and you’ll be on the right track. How to make yourself happy? Focus on what you love about your life right now. What do you really appreciate or feel grateful for? No matter how tough things are, there’s always, and I mean always, something good to be grateful for. Now keep adding to that list and include everything from the big items to the very small and simple pleasures of life.
5.) Be here now.
Goals are essential, but never let the future or the past obliterate the present. It is the only thing you truly have - now. There are no guarantees of the future. The past is over. What you have is today. Make it a habit to revel in the moment at least once or twice every day. Carpe diem!
Tara currently resides in Cary, North Carolina.
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Submitted by John Biasutti
john biasutti is an engineer working in the construction, chemicals, oil and gas, and petrochemical industries.
Here are John's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be honest (honesty).
Keeping track of falsehoods is more work in the long run.
2.) Be humble (integrity).
Always promise less than you can give - this way you never disappoint. Never promise what is not possible, this way lies madness.
3.) Be competent (expertise).
Finish everything completely - a task half done is worse than a task not started as it robs you of time.
4.) Do not delay (alacrity).
Deal with tasks immediately - delay will lead to further complications with less time to sort them out.
5.) Do not hide (openness).
Secrets will rob you of time and rob you of trust. Let others know what you know, then they can help.
These rules were found by not following them.
John currently resides in Australia.
______________________________
Here are John's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be honest (honesty).
Keeping track of falsehoods is more work in the long run.
2.) Be humble (integrity).
Always promise less than you can give - this way you never disappoint. Never promise what is not possible, this way lies madness.
3.) Be competent (expertise).
Finish everything completely - a task half done is worse than a task not started as it robs you of time.
4.) Do not delay (alacrity).
Deal with tasks immediately - delay will lead to further complications with less time to sort them out.
5.) Do not hide (openness).
Secrets will rob you of time and rob you of trust. Let others know what you know, then they can help.
These rules were found by not following them.
John currently resides in Australia.
______________________________
Submitted by Claire Harnett
claire harnett is a teenager and still studying, so [according to her, not the editor!] many would say that she hasn't lived long enough to learn five rules by which to live. however, life has a funny habit of throwing stuff at you, and [according to her] it has picked her as a fairly regular target, so she has learned a lot.
Here are Claire's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Even when you're going through hell, keep going.
Sometimes you get dealt an unfair hand, and it feels as though that's all you ever get. But it takes a truly strong person to deal with it and keep looking ahead. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to experience hardship before you can experience joy. But trust me when I tell you, there will be joy in there somewhere.
2.) Let go.
If you insist on holding on to the past, and living for what happened yesterday, you will never reach tomorrow. Or today. Some things, however painful, just aren't worth giving up your life for.
3.) Accept help.
When people extend an olive branch, grab on to it with both hands and don't let it go. There is too little time to sit and be stubborn, too little time to be so proud that you push away those you love. Even when you feel alone, there is someone wishing they were right by your side. Let them be there.
4.) Don't let your fear become bigger than your dreams.
I'm not saying don't be scared, because fear makes success even more rewarding. But don't be overtaken by fear. Don't let the fear of failure stop you from trying, because those things you are scared of, are the things you should do first.
5.) Tell them.
Tell them that you love them. When you lose someone, the first thought is (or at least mine was), "Did they know how much they meant to me?", and if there is even the slightest chance that the answer is no, something is wrong. It might sound stupid, and you might be scared to say it, but if you love them you have to let them know. Yeah, you might be able to tell them tomorrow, but you might not. Don't risk it. And that one person that you thought of when you first read this, tell them now. Phone them. Walk into the next room. Travel half way across the world. Just make sure they know.
Thanks for making me sit and actually realise how much I've learned. Bad experiences are so important, because without them, I wouldn't know half of the things I know now!
(editor's note - thank you for five great rules Claire!)
Claire currently resides in the United Kingdom.
______________________________
Here are Claire's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Even when you're going through hell, keep going.
Sometimes you get dealt an unfair hand, and it feels as though that's all you ever get. But it takes a truly strong person to deal with it and keep looking ahead. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that you have to experience hardship before you can experience joy. But trust me when I tell you, there will be joy in there somewhere.
2.) Let go.
If you insist on holding on to the past, and living for what happened yesterday, you will never reach tomorrow. Or today. Some things, however painful, just aren't worth giving up your life for.
3.) Accept help.
When people extend an olive branch, grab on to it with both hands and don't let it go. There is too little time to sit and be stubborn, too little time to be so proud that you push away those you love. Even when you feel alone, there is someone wishing they were right by your side. Let them be there.
4.) Don't let your fear become bigger than your dreams.
I'm not saying don't be scared, because fear makes success even more rewarding. But don't be overtaken by fear. Don't let the fear of failure stop you from trying, because those things you are scared of, are the things you should do first.
5.) Tell them.
Tell them that you love them. When you lose someone, the first thought is (or at least mine was), "Did they know how much they meant to me?", and if there is even the slightest chance that the answer is no, something is wrong. It might sound stupid, and you might be scared to say it, but if you love them you have to let them know. Yeah, you might be able to tell them tomorrow, but you might not. Don't risk it. And that one person that you thought of when you first read this, tell them now. Phone them. Walk into the next room. Travel half way across the world. Just make sure they know.
Thanks for making me sit and actually realise how much I've learned. Bad experiences are so important, because without them, I wouldn't know half of the things I know now!
(editor's note - thank you for five great rules Claire!)
Claire currently resides in the United Kingdom.
______________________________
Submitted by Angie Rivera
angie rivera loves dogs and has three of them, two of which she rescued from the street (she wishes she could rescue more, but they would kick her out of her house!). she is a law student and has been in an amazing (in both good times and bad) relationship for the past five years. if she knew some years ago what she knows now, she would have probably made the same amount of mistakes...only better ones!
Here are Angie's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be passionate.
About everything in your life - your family, your friends, your craft, your daily tasks. When you’re doing something, even if it’s just cooking dinner or walking your dogs, commit to it and be present. It’s the only way to live in the moment and live it fully.
2.) Never cheat.
At board games, in relationships, at your job, in your life. It taints achievements, ruins relationships, makes you out to be someone you are not, and ultimately you fool everyone but yourself. Failure is nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you do it honestly. And when you finally succeed it will be 10 times better because it was all you.
3.) Love completely, but keep your eyes open.
It is okay to trust someone with your life, but also know that no one is perfect and that you are bound to be disappointed. Learn to love people in spite of that (because of that?), and learn that we will disappoint our fair share of people too...hey, we’re all human.
4.) Don’t worry.
I once heard that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but ultimately it gets you nowhere. Instead of worrying, do something about it - and if you can’t, then let it go. This is not giving up, it's accepting that some things are just not up to you. And that's why you have to...
5.) Do the best you can.
Sometimes things go so roughly that all you can do is try your very best and let it be. Even then it's our responsibility to ourselves and others to do our best because the alternative is giving up. And that is never an option. Ever.
Angie Rivera currently resides in Puerto Rico.
______________________________
Here are Angie's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Be passionate.
About everything in your life - your family, your friends, your craft, your daily tasks. When you’re doing something, even if it’s just cooking dinner or walking your dogs, commit to it and be present. It’s the only way to live in the moment and live it fully.
2.) Never cheat.
At board games, in relationships, at your job, in your life. It taints achievements, ruins relationships, makes you out to be someone you are not, and ultimately you fool everyone but yourself. Failure is nothing to be ashamed of, as long as you do it honestly. And when you finally succeed it will be 10 times better because it was all you.
3.) Love completely, but keep your eyes open.
It is okay to trust someone with your life, but also know that no one is perfect and that you are bound to be disappointed. Learn to love people in spite of that (because of that?), and learn that we will disappoint our fair share of people too...hey, we’re all human.
4.) Don’t worry.
I once heard that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but ultimately it gets you nowhere. Instead of worrying, do something about it - and if you can’t, then let it go. This is not giving up, it's accepting that some things are just not up to you. And that's why you have to...
5.) Do the best you can.
Sometimes things go so roughly that all you can do is try your very best and let it be. Even then it's our responsibility to ourselves and others to do our best because the alternative is giving up. And that is never an option. Ever.
Angie Rivera currently resides in Puerto Rico.
______________________________
Submitted by Allison Furmaniak Delashmit
allison furmaniak delashmit is a small town girl with a big city attitude. she is a working mom (with the best 5-year old around), a wife, daughter, sister, friend, co-conspirator, and most of all – a big goof. she loves life and is determined not to let it pass her by.
Here are Allison's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Laugh – everyday – Loudly!
Laughter is nature’s best medicine. It makes you feel good on the inside and out. Others love to hear laughing, too. If you make it a point to laugh everyday, you are making it a point to enjoy something everyday.
2.) Always have a dog.
Dogs love unconditionally. They think you are awesome. Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
3.) Work hard.
Make a difference and you’ll feel a difference. We all need others to depend on us, just as we depend on others. Make your own brand. Put your stamp on everything you do.
4.) Listen to your Mom.
No one knows you like your Mom. Ask for her advice and really listen to her words. She often knows you better than you know yourself.
5.) Wear clean underwear.
Really, it’s more than clean underwear. But when you wear clean underwear, nice clothes, and fix your hair/makeup - you make yourself feel better and show that you have confidence and love for yourself. You only have the chance to make a first impression once. Take care of yourself.
Allison currently resides in Knoxville, Tennessee.
______________________________
Here are Allison's "Five Rules For Life":
1.) Laugh – everyday – Loudly!
Laughter is nature’s best medicine. It makes you feel good on the inside and out. Others love to hear laughing, too. If you make it a point to laugh everyday, you are making it a point to enjoy something everyday.
2.) Always have a dog.
Dogs love unconditionally. They think you are awesome. Try to be the person your dog thinks you are.
3.) Work hard.
Make a difference and you’ll feel a difference. We all need others to depend on us, just as we depend on others. Make your own brand. Put your stamp on everything you do.
4.) Listen to your Mom.
No one knows you like your Mom. Ask for her advice and really listen to her words. She often knows you better than you know yourself.
5.) Wear clean underwear.
Really, it’s more than clean underwear. But when you wear clean underwear, nice clothes, and fix your hair/makeup - you make yourself feel better and show that you have confidence and love for yourself. You only have the chance to make a first impression once. Take care of yourself.
Allison currently resides in Knoxville, Tennessee.
______________________________
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